Frisky: Northwest USA

I didn’t want to write this.

No one wants to have to be the person who writes this. The person who this happened to. I am doing this now because I have nothing left to lose. I was told by Rose City’s representatives that I could not come forward publicly about this because it would violate league policy and I would be suspended; the first of many ways Rose City silences victims and survivors. I have now been banned from the league after a biased investigation, done by people who have a financial interest in keeping the person who abused me and their partner in the league.

Having a famous skater is more important to Rose City than doing what is right.

I am coming forward not because I actually think it will do anything for me other than perhaps hopefully being cathartic. I am doing this because Rose City needs to be held accountable for their actions, so that others who are victims have a safe space to come forward. I am doing this so that others, and our next generation of skaters, will hopefully never have to endure the trauma and re-traumatization I have been through.

I was sexually harassed by my coach last year. I was verbally abused by my coach last year. I was bullied and shamed and coerced into silence by my coach last year.

When I found out this person was going to be skating with me instead of merely coaching and I would have no way to escape from their hands I panicked. All the trauma I had pushed down for over a year came bubbling to the surface. As a victim of sexual assault, any type of unwanted touching, especially from someone who is presenting themselves as masculine, is traumatic for me. Asking that person to stop and not having that be respected is traumatic to the point of triggering PTSD. I am pretty sure I lived my entire Derby life last year in a state of PTSD-induced mania. I pushed many of my friends away and became a sad, angry shell of myself.

I am going to try to present these facts as a timeline, I am trying to illustrate the ways this was mishandled by Rose City from the very beginning. For the purpose of readability, I am going to refer to the person who harassed and abused me as “X” for the rest of this article.

When the reality of having to be on a team with X sank in after tryouts for Wheels of Justice I realized that I had to do something. At the recommendation of the Wheels captain, I went to the league with my story.

Rose City had recently come forward with a statement against Sexual harassment and Abuse. In it the instructions were to call the president of the league if the details of what happened to you were sensitive. After calling her I was told to email the accountability committee for next steps.

I sent the accountability committee a brief email with limited details of the abuses I had suffered. I told them that I was afraid of retribution from X and that myself and other teammates had been gaslit and manipulated by this person.

They responded by telling me they had forwarded my email to X.

They forwarded my email reporting being abused and harassed to X.

They then let X retaliate against me in the form of a counter-complaint, without informing me of the contents of the counter-complaint.

X also used this time to find ways to discredit and undermine me to ensure that when the AC committee performed their investigation, it would come out in X’s favor.

From there I was pressured into mediating with X.

The mediation was run by league volunteers who had no professional experience as mediators. X focused most of the mediation on me and the ways I am flawed as a person. X also told me I was making this up and that some of the things that had happened to me had really happened between X and other teammates. X also said they couldn’t apologize for their “style of coaching”. These are all gaslighting techniques and the mediators did nothing to stop them.

When I told the AC committee about the way mediation went poorly and asked them to move forward with their investigation they informed me I couldn’t include anything in my complaint that had happened over 21 days ago.

I had informed the AC committee that I did not feel comfortable reporting any of this while X was coach because of my fear of retribution and they did not pay me any heed.

Meanwhile X continued to intimidate and harass me and my wife at practices and team events.

When I reached out to the ac committee and the league president I was told they could not offer any sort of protection from X.

The league president recommended I seek a restraining order from the Portland police.

An advocate from the police reviewed my situation and recommended I get a sexual abuse protective order from our local courthouse. The SAPO is intended to protect people from any kind of repeated unwanted touching. After this recommendation I met with a judge and the SAPO was granted.

The terms of the SAPO stopped X from attending any Derby events I was at.

The retaliation from the Wheels of Justice team was swift. I was told to come to a team meeting at which I was pressured out of skating at the upcoming Big O.

Several of X’s friends suddenly had stories of me being a bully that they had not told anyone about or tried to come to me about previously.

I received texts from ex-friends as well as a call from X’s lawyer telling me that I was, “digging my own grave” and that If I didn’t drop this they would tell everyone I was making things up.

Because I was obviously not going to return to WOJ after all of this, I met with my lawyer and decided I didn’t need a SAPO as long as I had an agreement that X would leave me alone. This was the biggest mistake I’ve made in this story.

The AC committee released the findings of their investigation while I was still in legal negotiations with X; effectively ruining any chance I had of being protected. Their findings sided with X mainly because they did not speak with any of my witnesses.

Additionally X’s partner had threatened to leave the league if I remained on RCR.

When I asked the AC committee to reconsider their decision the League decided to kick me out and ban me from the hangar rather than talk to my witnesses.

When I came forward about what happened to me I had hope that I would be believed and listened to. Now I have lost my team, I have been betrayed by friends, and I have lost my community. I just want this to be known so that others who have experienced these things can feel validated and know that they are not alone.

I remember a time that I was on a team that wore purple and was named for something I could believe in. I don’t think that name is appropriate for the current incarnation of the team, but I will always stand for Justice, with or without my Wheels.

If you are a victim of sexual harassment, sexual abuse, or sexual assault there is hope.
I am here for you to listen to your story, to try to help you find a way to find relief and not lose everything. I will believe you. I will help you find resources in your community that will listen to you and believe you and help you. That is what I am offering.

For people in the U.S:

RAINN hotline (for survivors)
800-656-4673

Women’s crisis Hotline
(888) 852-0211

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26 comments

  • I’ve seen X at work as a coach and a player. I can’t speak to any sexual assault, but most definitely bullying and intimidation. Stopping everything to single out and humiliate someone in front of a whole league. I know of X’s partner acting the same way, if far less often. It’s the same sort of stuff that gets college football coaches fired in disgrace before some other school decides to value winning over doing the right thing.

  • I can’t believe you wrote this. For those who don’t know, this story is not true. The writer told her friends she wanted to get someone kicked out of the league and she then made up allegations about that person and filed a false protective order. There was so much evidence that she was lying that she was kicked out of the league for being an abusive manipulative person who severely impacted someone’s life by making up the allegations. I don’t want to go through the whole story here but I do want to say that it makes me absolutely sick, as a survivor of both sexual abuse and this type of manipulation where the abuser tries to make themself look like the victim, to see you using the pain of so many who have experienced sexual victimization in such a disgusting and manipulative way.

  • I noticed that no pronouns were used in the article, but the writer stated that the individual in question is masculine in appearance. Is this person trans, and is that the real reason the writer’s allegations were ignored? Because the league would rather allow abuse and assault to continue rather than get wrongly accused of transphobia? Every skater has the right to feel safe and every skater who engages in abuse must be held accountable. If I am wrong in my speculation, please correct me, but that’s what I am reading in between the lines and I’m sure I am not the only one.

  • This is why victims never step forward. When they step forward they’re accused of being liars and attention getters. Maybe the only reason quadzilla was brought down was because he’s an African American man. But god forbid a white allstar player with a popular team is accused of the same crimes everything is overlooked

  • Withheld, I think it’s actually worse. RCR expelled her for two stated reasons: (1) Filing false allegations; and (2) being transphobic.

    I suspect RCR will use this alleged transphobia not only discredit the accuser but to champion themselves as a safe space for trans people.

    I support safe and inclusive spaces for trans people. I do not support paying lip services to safe spaces for trans people as a gaslighting tactic.

  • It really grosses me out that people will say a league would be afraid of being trans phobic and therefore not take actions about abuse, but completely ignore the fact that someone actually being trans phobic would cause them to try to get a trans person removed from a league.

    Do you know how hard it is to be trans in roller derby? Roller derby is one of the most queer friendly places but you can easily find forum posts of top level players tearing down trans players, refusing to use their correct pronouns and saying wftda isn’t a place for them. Do you know, historically, trans people have been regarded as sexual deviants and are more likely to be accused of sexual misconsduct as well as be more likely to be sexually assaulted or killed?

    I’m sorry, but someone being trans near you isn’t sexual assault or harassment.

    But thanks for making it 1000 times harder for both trans people and actual victims of bullying, abuse and assault.

  • I am so sorry this happened to you Frisky. I didn’t know you super well when I was at Rose but you deserve so much better. The league’s response to this is absolutely unacceptable.

  • I’m so sorry this happened to you Frisky. I didn’t know you very well when I was at Rose, but you deserve so much better. The behavior she is outlining both from Rose leadership and OMG is very standard. They will do anything in their power to protect famous skaters and many have been chased out of the league with similar antics.

  • This is Rose in a nutshell. Whenever a famous skater is accused of bullying or assault they will invariably side with them and force the victim out. This has happened with other trans skaters as well where a victim is consistently blamed with being transphobic if they bring a grievance against a trans skater. Josie is another who has bullied several skaters out of the league with zero accountability by Rose. Also, Anothersurivor- really.

  • I’m so sorry this happened to you Frisky. Nobody deserves this. I’m tired of all the bullshit and hoops leagues try to jump through just to uphold a reputation of being winners. It may be good for “The Sport”, but it certainly does not create a welcoming atmosphere where women are supposed to be able to thrive.

  • Funny how no has talked about the fact that “Frisky” has gone through multiple leagues, changed names, was kicked out of one of those leagues, has had an assault charge brought against her by another league mate. Also in this very blog is transphobic!!! “presenting themselves as masculine” Seriously! Funny how Frisky also left out the part where they called in a false police report and misgendered and used OMG’s dead name.

  • Let me get this straight. It’s #MeToo and “I believe her” until we learn that the person she’s accused of sexual harassment is trans. Then she’s transphobic and so is anyone so sees the double standard. I’d be interested to know if the skaters who said Frisky was deliberately trying to injure others did so before or after she dared to be so politically incorrect as to stand up for herself. It’s common in derby for some skaters to rightfully or wrongfully believe another skater was deliberately trying to hurt them. Some times it’s because they can’t take a hit. Other times it’s a fact, but the bully skater is popular and so nothing gets done about it. Leagues let popular bullies go unchecked all the time, and so I’m inclined to believe this woman was actually harassed and didn’t go to court and commit social suicide because she doesn’t like trans people.

  • I haven’t heard of a single person at Rose City who still thinks OMG sexually assaulted Frisky. This is not because the league doesn’t “believe” her–loads of people and two formal systems heard her out and interrogated the situation– but because even people who used to be her friends examined the evidence and concluded that she is a transphobic bully. Bullies often use allegations of abuse as smokescreens for their own behavior. RCR has its issues, like every league, but this is an example of our system working well in defense of a trans skater (and for that matter, working well for a CRAPTON of other people Frisky has bullied). If you don’t know the situation, butt out and please be wary of internet mob behavior.

  • Frisky bullied and gaslighted me. She is absolutely toxic. Week in and week out the bullying was an absolute constant towards me and everyone else.

    I still have love and faith in this community that we will overcome this.

  • FFS, I don’t know what alternate reality some of you live in, but when the police are attempting to locate a person suspected of a crime, they’re not going to play gender identity politics. They care about actually finding the suspect, which means referring to the person by their legal name and actual sex. If dealing with fact-based descriptions or referring to someone who looks like a man as “presenting masculine” is what gets someone labeled as transphobic, it’s no wonder this woman wasn’t believed.

  • If we’re going to take people’s past behavior into account, how about someone ask OMG about their past bullying and about the time they punched an NSO at Gotham in the face and was only punished by having to mop the floor? Famous skaters are held to a different standard and are protected.

  • I have never heard exactly what this skater accuses X of doing which she felt was sexual harassment. I skated with X for 10 years and though sometimes behaving as a bully can be believable, sexual harassment is not. An intimidating coach can be a good thing.

  • ^^^ I am ROLLING laughing at this comment “punched an NSO at Gotham in the face” . Please do not speak on things you don’t know about. This statement is false. Comments like these are perpetuating rumors about people that you already have a poor opinion of for the sake of continuing to tarnish their reputation. People cannot form an unbiased opinion on this situation due to false rumors perpetuated by people making comments like this.

  • I’m not a league memeber of Rose and I think it is rediculous that this has even been written and put out there. Especially from someone who has had the same issues in others Leagues… This sounds like nothing but a hurtful rant. I highly doubt (I know for a fact) these allegations are true. I’m sure Frisky is not a innocent “victim”.. if anyone is a victim it is Rose and everyone on WOJ.. they have someone who apparently was becoming a virus on the team they tried to deal with it and she didn’t like it! Look she still is creating drama. No wonder they did what they did.. Teams should take note.. coaches should take note… she has a reputation of drama like this in other leagues on other teams in which she was asked to leave. Thats whybshe changed her derby name…She wasnt getting along with the people on her team anymore .. they addressed it to her gave her a chance to fix things..yet she wouldnt change her behavior…so when they finally took action , she got mad… I highly doubt she is just an innocent “victim” here.. You cant handle being coached.. poor coaches can’t even coach anymore without someone being offend and or hurt. This all just supposedly happen and she did nothing???? Yeah right. Rose is a respectful league .. they took the proper steps of action… they have to. Not only because of the reputation of the league but to PROTECT their skaters and it sounds to me they were protecting their skaters from Frisky and her toxic self. Her writing this is a true testimony of how she really is toxic and truly is a drama maker. There was no reason to put Rose’s business out in the world! I wouldnt want her in my league.. I wouldnt want to coach her and hopefully other coaches see her behavior and would not want to coach her either. Hopefully this is the end of her in Derby…it should be. Shame on you.

  • It seems OMG has a much worse history of being a bully than Frisky. Yet RCR are actively trying to discredit Frisky by saying they are a bully etc.

    Remember VRDL’s reaction to Tui Lyon? People like Sarah Chambers were quick to accuse Lyon being a bully. VRDL then tried to clean the mess and these comments were mysteriously removed.

    Funny that there is always the same reaction, when something like this comes up?

  • @ Realist, you do realize that people can legally change the name and sex on their birth certificate in a lot of states. And lots of transmen take T and do not look at all like women? it’s so much simpler being a bigot though huh

  • Why is it when Quadzilla was accused of touching someone’s leg without permission he was immediately run of the derby community with pitchforks? Even his friends who believed and supported him were bullied and shamed on social media. Yet in this case I keep seeing people attacking Friskys character. We shouldn’t believe her because she’s a “bully”. There’s no way a “bully” could be harassed and bullied herself? Derby community your hypocrisy is showing.

  • I’m sorry but the Anon comment about punching an NSO in the face was too (sadly) hilarious not to respond. I promise you, OMG has NEVER punched an NSO in the face. Someone is misleading you terribly. Please check your facts before spreading ridiculous rumors.

  • People are attacking Frisky’s character because she tries to explain away her terrible behavior and extensive bullying under the guise of “PTSD induced mania” due to the alleged abuse she suffered at the hands of X. The problem with her story is that she has a long history of bullying across many victims, through multiple leagues, spanning MANY years, long before X was ever in the picture at Rose City.

    The point that some are attempting to illustrate is that Frisky has a history of manipulative behavior and is willing to say or do whatever it takes to target someone she does not like or wants to gain control over. It sounds outlandish that someone would go so far as to involve the legal system in a false accusation but that is the type of person she is. She told many friends that she was going to figure out a way to get rid of X and their partner over the course of the last year. When she couldn’t get the team to get rid of her target, she started down a path to inflict as much emotional trauma and financial expense as possible.

    Still, it is true that bullies and bad people can be targets of abuse and I’m very sad that this conversation might lead to an actual survivor of abuse not being believed. That makes what Frisky has done all the more atrocious.

  • wow go figure. its all i believe and shit until it involves a high profile skater, then its fucking crickets. holy shit derby is such a toxic and fucking trash place now. hypocritical bullshit left and right. pick and choose trans skaters. no real equality, abuse and transphobia is rampant. high profile skaters are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want without any real consequences. fuck derby.

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