Estelle: North America

“I’ll get libeled if I say it…If Harvey Weinstein invites you to a private party in the Four Seasons [hotel] don’t go,” -Courtney Love

It’s hard to describe the feeling you get when you see the person who sexually coerced you get showered with adoration and notoriety on social media.

If what happened to me was consensual as I pictured and safe as I hoped, then why did I feel sick the entire time? Am I ever going to climb out of my shame? I can’t even say what happened out loud. I can’t stand the sound of the words coming from my mouth. Because of this I haven’t sought psychiatric help because I’m not ready to tell anyone face to face that would counsel me.

I finally found a term for what happened. Adult Sexual Grooming. I was groomed, gaslit, sexually and psychologically abused by a trusted member of our community. I don’t want vengeance or to even the scales. I have a feeling I’m not the first and I won’t be the last. I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did or feel what I’m still feeling. It’s just another wish I wish in a very long list.

Thank YOU for reading.

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