Don’t let abusers pretend to be victims.

A little back, we at IHID received a submission from a man who stated he has been abused by a woman official in his region. Within a few minutes of posting, we received information that the information contained in that post was false and that it was a gaslighting strategy.* We immediately removed the post.

It is absolutely true that sexual harassment, abuse, and violence is not a women’s issue. It is a human issue. No one, regardless of gender deserves abuse. We stand for anyone who has been abused, regardless of that person’s gender, race, religion, creed, color, sexuality, sexual orientation, or any other factor. Abuse is abuse and derby needs to hold itself accountable and do better.

It is also wholly inappropriate to use a public forum like this in an attempt to shame or bully or prevent someone from speaking up against you. And yet, it is a tactic that so many abusers partake it. They reverse the narrative and play the victim. In doing so, they effectively convince others that they did nothing and THEY are the ones under attack. We see this all the time. We have seen it with Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh. We are seeing it play out right now with R. Kelly, who played the victim during his recent interview with Gayle King. Be aware that this is a strategy that has been used by abusers and will continue to be used by abusers until it stops working. Be a part of the solution instead of part of the problem and do not let abusers continue to abuse by claiming victimhood.

*We at IHID are not arbiters of truth. We provide a space for people to come forward and speak about their experiences. We will not comment on whether the post was truthful. We chose to err on the side of caution and remove material that had the potential to cause more harm to survivors of abuse.

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